So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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