I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
