I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
