Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
