I think I died a long time ago.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
