i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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