I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need a burrito and a hug.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
