Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize