So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
