she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
