Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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