So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
