I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
