If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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