Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
