Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
