we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
