Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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