If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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