i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
