During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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