I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
