I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
