it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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