I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
