This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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