Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
