Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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