we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
