apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
