Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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