Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
