i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
