you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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