i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
