Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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