Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
