im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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