Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
