Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
