I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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