The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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