She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
