yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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