just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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