No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
