6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
