i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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