so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
