fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize