she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
