dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize