she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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