Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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