somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
