We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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