she looked like the before picture.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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