So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
