Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
