I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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