final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
