you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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