I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
