if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize