I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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