Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
