absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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