Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
