I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
