Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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