It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
