she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
