I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
