Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
