he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
