btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
