I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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