I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
